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Sunday, November 14, 2010

"A fatal car crash" (I hope this works better than the first one)

It was almost midnight. That night was the most chilly throughout December and from a distance, the horizon had been harshly tore apart. Suddenly, the lightening struck the tree causing a dazzling stream of light reflected upon a tiny glass window. Lily was waken up by the noise, slowly and wearily rising from her bed, leaning against the window, she observed the sky in silence.

Lily was turning four in about a month, a pretty girl with round glistening eyes which evoked innocence and intelligence. However, her eyes also portrayed a great sadness resulted from her background obsession. Lily was born when her mother reached the age of fifty. She passed away after a stroke during labour without having a chance to look at her daughter’s angelic face. Because of the great disappointment and mid-life crisis, Lily’s father turned into an alcoholic, the little amounts of money he earned were meaninglessly thrown into gambling and wines. The existence of Lily had never been highly valued by her father, hence, she always felt insecure about herself. She rarely talked to anyone therefore, Lily was very lonesome.

… Another massive lightening scattered in the inky sky, “BANGGGG”, the loud noise terrified Lily. She began to retreat in fear and shivered, pulling the blanket out to wrap herself up. From moment to moment, the wind blew more strongly, taking the last few flaccid red leafs away into a whirl. Lily suddenly detected a beam of dazzling light and popped her head out to wait for something to emerge. At the skyline, there was a brightly glowing figure, getting closer and closer to her at the speed of light, ‘it’ seemed to smash into the window, nonetheless, penetrating surprisingly without falling apart.

Surprisingly enough, only a black hat was being suspended in the thin air. Lily stared at the hat for a while and curiously whispered:
“Hey you! Are you a magician in the fairy tales?”

One second later, a deep and manly voice responded:
“Hello little girl, I’m your friend now… I’m Jack! You’re Lily, aren’t you?”
Lily became more and more excited since she thought a character in her favourite stories not only visited her in person but also knew her by real name. They talked to each other friendly and wholeheartedly like they had been knowing each other for a long time. The invisible man continuously questioned about her feelings, hobbies and dreams.
Honestly sharing her real thoughts about the world out there, she spoke in a cute and high-pitched voice:
“If only my mommy was still alive, I’d be taken to the park every weekend just like my neighbours.” She gently smiled. “And Jack, do you know that I always have the same dream every other day? In that dream, I am wearing a beautiful white dress with two little angel wings, hovering on the grasscover in the cool autumn afternoon. Several feeble sunbeams chased after me as gorgeously as hundreds of rainbows. Don’t you think I am the most charming girl in the world?” said Lily observing the movement of Jack’s hat.
“Yeah sure, you are always my the prettiest friend, little girl, no matter what you wear!” – Jack gently patted on Lily’s head.
For the first time in her life, Lily felt proud of herself. Somebody recognised her beauty. The next minute, she frowned and seemed to be thoughtful:
“Hey Jack, why doesn’t my dad love me? I didn’t do anything to make him feel sad really. Does your dad love you then?” – her round eyes were so bright and watery in the dimmed light.

The invisible man read her mind and he avoided to answer this question, it only made the girl become more emotional but not helpful. Jack changed the topic to why she did not want to make friends with other same age people. Lily was hesitating but she told him that she did not have what the neighbours had so they would not allow her to join their group and play together. There was a great discrimination going on. She also wished that she could be accepted by her friends so that she would tell them many interesting stories in her imagination. Lily closed her eyes and grinned brightly every time she thought about it.

Both of them talked passionately and this was the longest conversation Lily ever had with anyone, she was not afraid to tell what she really thought about. She trusted the invisible man just because he looked like one of her beloved fairytale characters. The talk was interrupted when the church bell rang. The man slowly vanished in the air while Lily waved at him helplessly.
******
The next evening, the invisible man returned at midnight, Lily was still awake, hopefully waiting for him. She ran towards his direction and be carried on his back. Her laughter broke the peaceful night silence. There was no word to describe her happiness at that time, she admired Jack as her second father.

Tonight, Jack promised to take Lily to a place with full of nice friends and toys. However, she had to wear a blindfold to keep the secret until the last moment. Lily nodded her head quickly with a content smile showing satisfaction on her lips.

After the black cloth was tightly tied, Jack led Lily out of the door step by step. On the way, he whistled a Disney melody and she sang along. The cool air pervaded atmosphere blended with a sweet aroma of roses by the pavements. The moon was full glisteningly shining above, the shadows of a girl and a hat next to her were seen vividly on the empty street.

Suddenly, somewhere from the back a grey old car was accelerating into the direction of Lily and Jack. It sounded the horn at them as the driver seemed to lose control over his speed. Jack turned round and swiftly pushed Lily to the pavement but unfortunately, he eventually got hit right in the stomach since the driver could not see him at all. He screamed in pain “I’m sorry Lily! I can’t take you to the placeeeeee…”. His voice faded away as Lily terribly untied the blindfold to see what happened. She was deadly shocked to see the bleeding hat lying on the ground, looking up into the car, it was her dad being drunk, his face was red and the eyes were extremely glassy. He seemed not to be aware of what he had just done. Restarting the engine unconsciously, her dad continued to drive but this time, he changed the direction and ran into Lily who was wailing on the pavement. “BANGGGGGGGGGG” a loud noise which put an end to Lily’s life. Without having enough time to feel the pain, she had gone in peace.

10 comments:

  1. You seem using lots of BANGGGGG sounds, Uyen ;}

    Comparingto theprev. version, I like this one wmuch more. A lot more, in fact.
    It seems to be less priginal... a bit less original, probably because of the ending, but this might just be due to the difficulty in understanding the previous one...

    When reading it, I really wanted to comment on one thing.
    I jist love how you showed the emotion of a 4-years-old. Her innocence. Her kind nature. Her inability to lie. The questions she asks - at first, when I knew you were going to write about a kid, I was scared to see that mistake most people do... the descriptopns of thoughts that are too mature for a kid.
    I really respect you for not doing that, Uyen :)
    The description of a man as well, it has that childish tone that reminds reader that only Lily sees him...

    Oh, by the way!
    Why did you change a name? O_O
    Lily = innocence?
    /I like Amber more though, I like the colour itself... XD/

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  2. Thanks Liza! To be honest, I'm very glad because this one actually makes more sense... :)
    Yeah true, I was also thinking about the dialogue while writing this because I wanted the kid to sound really childish, not sound like ME! X_X

    Is there anything unrealistic except for the invisible man?

    By the way, I changed the name because it just helped me to forget the plot of the previous one... I wouldn't have been influenced much by the "I'll name it later"! :) You see, the plot is 85% different.

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  3. first thing i thought was
    car = sexual symbolism
    and then man in car hit little girl....

    but ignoring all that, i like this one more than the other too and yeah, it's easier to understand now :)

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  4. LOL... Thanks Sophia! :X Yeah, I tried very very very hard to simplify everything! And nope... I didn't intend to use the car to symbolise "..." (I'm not Fitzgerald! :-? )

    Is there anything unrealistic or unclear?

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  5. I think, Uyen, that symbolims just seeps through into whatever you write.

    Your unconscious must be very sordid. hahaha...

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  6. What symbolism are you commenting on?

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  7. You must be kidding me, Sophia! :(( This is about a kid and an invisible man. They talk in a very innocent and childish way. I can't see how this could relate to sexual thingy!

    This idea worries me a lot, you know! :|

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  8. But how the dad is attracted to the kid... and to the man...
    x.x

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